(trogir, croatia. henri cartier-bresson)
writing from time to time has reminded me that i am not a transplant in the different cities i call home. though i often find myself poised and questioning what exactly do i seek in these places i inhabit, i do get this sort of relief that it is only anthropomorphic to feel this way. what remains constant apart from change, is that i have never stopped questioning this absence, or how you would describe it; being a dreamer.
with that many words unspoken, it does at times make me seem to be a difficult person to understand. with the bricks life occasionally throw at us, we sometimes build walls, not so much as to cage ourselves in, or perhaps shelter us from the harsh realities of life, but instead to see if anyone cares enough to attempt to break down these walls to just say hi or something. probably less dramatic, but hey you get the idea.
these days, i find myself agreeing with your proposition. i recall the times you would pontificate on the concept of cognitive loss; we all are born into this world not by choice but by fate, and with a void. when one begins with losing something so precious, despite not being able to find it immediately, it is important to not feel disheartened, but instead, to understand that we all have a missing piece in this puzzle. take comfort in the believe that someday, when we eventually grow older, tread further, and reconcile with that tug deep down when we recover this piece.
as your words finally begin to set in (after all these years), i sense a lightness in me. this feeling presents itself on a daily basis, and it is rather uplifting to be left feeling this way. it is of significance for one to be light like a bird and not so much as a feather, for there is a unique synthesis between the intellect and the emotion in the composition of lightness itself. to me, without dreams and the lightness of which it presents, i suspect that life in general, would be plagued with pestilence at its most distinctive dexterity. one would be left to pursue life in absolute monotony, at best seeking comforts in the materiality of the things, which would eventually melt into air. with the lightness of which dreams presents, life would not narrow expressions into sheer abstracts and figures, instead it would connect the visible threads with the invisible ones. perhaps this would add more ‘value’ into living.
despite having a vast collection of adjectives, the world works in strange ways that we cannot explain in words. as much as i would dislike to agree with it, sometimes things do happen without a reason at all. as i present myself with a vast array of options in life, the quasi-endless nature of some of these options, has at times forced me to go against the current, constantly wearing me down. perhaps it is time to stop fighting the current once in a while, and maybe drift along its path and enjoy the course.
eventually there will be a time when decisions are to be made, but i think i am ready as long as this feeling stays with me.