(girl with red balloon; banksy. perth)
‘ if you only read the books that everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking. ‘ – h. murakami.
i have been well these days, i trust that you are too. as life unfolds and presents herself with options, i’d imagine the you that i had came to know of, would naturally opt for the one resembling crimson petals with drops of fresh rain. we never had a dull moment in spite of the silence.
i took your word for it and pen down how i felt as you suggested. the more i wrote, the more i could get rid of. i got rid of many things. one must be wary when taking things at face-value? there isn’t one bit that is truer than the other, it is all true. your words still resonate with much influence on the way i perceive things around me with great respect and appreciation.
despite how life tries to smash us occasionally, one can never really be defeated unless he allows himself to. i was still digesting the whole arrival of this new change. the plans made years ago would have seemed beyond possible these days. i feel like a shape-shifter, constantly configuring myself between the spaces we easily forget and left behind.
the weekend was well spent. i thank the great company, it felt strangely nostalgic when we caught the filming of a documentary titled ‘samara’ at the rooftop movies in northbridge. no it wasn’t some low-budget pornography film (as it’s sketchy name would otherwise suggest), it was artfully documented entirely on a panavision 70! the ones that were rather popular late 50s to the early 80s. you could already feel that little child in me holding back my excitement!! the scenes were very captivating. it was precisely at this moment, i sat transfixed, gazed upon the beautifully composed archives of life and the world which surrounds us. we are pretty small and insignificant aren’t we? but for something so small and insignificant, we sure did do us in with quite some impact. the setting somehow felt appropriate, with the monstrous configurations of the urban fabric as backdrop, the stars appeared lost in the distance.
last evening was even better, no planning involved, everything seemed to have naturally ‘fell’ into place. it involved tacos, drinks at the mechanics, more drinks at the bakery, experimental music by a brooklyn based musician (which sucked), electronic beats by a uk based musician, and eventually getting locked out of the car park! ha! who would have guessed? what an adventure indeed! i like how things just happen to happen without much reasoning.
you would remember how i used to complain a lot about the tedious and mundane in my adolescence years, it struck me with great discomfort thinking about them now. these are but of the quotidian to many, why should i be complaining at all? i should be glad all these happened. we do get plenty out of this. don’t waste your time or time will waste you instead. i sneaked a smoke this week. never really knew why though.
i hope never to lose what you taught me. to perceive, to listen and not to be quick to judge, to understand as much as i can fathom. there must be a difference between being kind and caring. the first plausibly involved general manners and the latter would involve the mind and all it’s strong inconsistencies. i don’t think i’m cut out for being kind, but that doesn’t mean i don’t care.
i would have placed flowers at your grave, but i am afraid i could never bring myself to do so. i get emotional sometimes when i think about it. you died in whispers that you did not hear. of all the saddest words between lennie and george were ‘what might have been.’ i wouldn’t say that i am still upset over what happened. but i grew to understand that what is more important is that one should never cheat with this.