a man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.

been veering about in a labyrinth for some time now. the usual topics really, rather echt in my most honest opinion. pardon me for being loopy in somewhat, i could never close an honest opinion in such few words.

why then do we continuously take a sip of the poison knowing that it is evidently doing us harm? we all do. knowingly or un-knowingly. does it make us feel better in any way? i’m not sure.

we now saunter down the illuminated streets with our eyes shut, guided and appeased in a childlike way by the puppet master. you pull, i move. you command, i give. you speak, i sync with praise.

“all the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players” we are inclined to think that we’re self-determining, responding to situations in the most seemingly “logical” or “responsible” way. but are we really? or are we merely playing out our scripts. am i just another hypocrite because i do conform to the social norm. maybe. maybe not. who is to judge anyways.

what governs this rigid dichotomy between the right and the wrong? ethics in modern-day society? ( we live in a first class world, my energy consumption in a week would probably be equivalent to a year’s consumption for a typical kenyan family. so how much energy should they cut down on, to sustain my lifestyle? and should i feel better if i double clicked on the “give now” icon on the unicef website? maybe, maybe not. i never really did know if i should feel good, often filled with embarrassment for such little effort. )

our society functions to naturalize the ideologies and the lies, in turn allowing them to appear as natural and innocent, or as unchangeable as nature itself. if you actually think about it in-depth, we all eventually will become hypocrites choking on our own vomits and eventually passing the baton to the next blindfolded.  i’ve always wondered what would it be like if we deconstruct these ideologies and systems. it would be mind-blowing to closely look at these remnants of construction.

it’s almost paradoxical, that with age, you tend to lose more than you have initially expected, or rather understood more than you’ve thought you originally did. finding yourself cautiously navigating through these archaic streets, the ones you were well accustomed to in the days of youth. eventually, everything fades like over-exposed negatives. change is the only constant in life. it’s an awful and exhausting acknowledgement when i go to bed, these thoughts remind me that i’m just a normal person in a strange place after-all. so many doors, so many options, so little me. it’s almost like being in the movies. i’m only human, maybe i should shut my eyes too. i miss the nonchalant days of my childhood. i really do.

a door is a permanent irritant – parmour without arteries counseling ophelia to swoon.

a.

a few more doors.